Chaos - St. Victor Diaries


Is it possible to think of that word in a positive light or does the prevailing “wisdom” summon images of despair, tragedy or evil? Try this on for size – chaos is simply the instigator of evolution from an established “order” to a higher level of “order”. To do so, the established order must first be broken down so that it can be rebuilt – and this is always messy. It’s messy because the beneficiaries of the established order do not want to be broken down, because as history presents – a broader beneficiary base is usually set in its place either dethroning the previous house of power or redistributing its power and wealth base toward a greater balance. We’ve seen the messy and violent uprisings which have usurped the power of the few and expanded it to greater masses in the civil rights movement, the women’s rights movement, scientific discovery and the dethroning of the Divine Right of Kings. While these are by no means at a necessary cosmic balance, the movement is on and is expanding to others. And those who are threatened by it create illusions of chaos as being brought on by evil forces or as punishment by a divine judge. Pandering to and exploiting the belief systems of others has always been a primary tool of maintaining the order of the privileged few at the expense of the many. Chaos is a time-honored event that is slowly leveling and expanding the playing field. How wonderful to note that what we are currently experiencing is simply a move toward a greater balance between and within mankind and nature. Chaos is not to be feared, it’s to be studied, understood and guided. In this painting I represent Chaos as a gift as illustrated with the big red bow with Chaos sitting atop a crumpled purple cloth representing the fall of monarchies at the hands of the disenfranchised. Her striped clothes represent the cosmic tango between order and chaos, yin and yang, working together in evolutionary harmony. The tornado in the back- ground façade is the destructive force of nature which is not evil or punishment, it is simply a natural force of the planet we call home and chaos theory in the other panel represented as a seemingly unrelated series of events, equations or concepts that in retrospect reflect a highly organized pattern tied to a much bigger universal picture. She is shown with the attributes of the fertility god Pan, which was later demonized by the Church, in representing something life-giving as being condemed as evil. Above the façade we see the sunrise dawning as new possibilities and potential arising with every occasion of Chaos.


Love - St. Victor Diaries


God is Love – so it’s been said. It’s also been analyzed that if A equals B, then B equals A. So if God is Love – then Love is God. “Whoa, hold your horses”, says my former evangelical minister. “When it says God is Love, it actually means that God embodies Love, not that Love and God are the same.”

Uh-huh. Evangelical ministers have God’s very ear. They would KNOW. I find it amusing to watch the apologetic armament arise against such a claim that God IS Love, not merely the embodiment of it. No one knows who, whom or what “God” is, much less the mindset and timeless purpose of God. “God”, like Yaweh, Allah, Zeus, Ahura Mazda and a pantheon of others through the ages is merely a name given to a force we’ve all experienced in thousands of different ways, yet been at a loss to accurately describe because of the limitations of both language and wisdom. A horse can no more describe to another horse what it is to be human than one human can describe to another what it is to be God.. “God” is a name to identify that which cannot be identified. We associate it with forces of creation, of existent beauty and eternal glory ~ something we’d gladly die for. “Love”, by the same measure is also a force. An inexplainably powerful force that tames the beast and empowers the meek, breaks the soul and heals a nation, inspires quantum leaps of creativity and drives us to obsessive madness. Something we’d gladly die for..

I ask you to consider the possibility, and a very real possibility according to the Unified Field Theory, that all that has been, is and will be is the manifesting result of a single magnificent force known by as many names as emotions we simple humans can experience. God, Love, Fear, is all an aspect of one single force with what we call Love being the feeling we experience when we are most deeply aligned with that force and Fear being the feeling of our distancing from that force. A single force that we are the very cells of. We are but a microcosm of one force and when we are most aligned – we see that we are Love. God is Love and Love is God. And if A equals B and B equals C, then C equals A. We are all one force. You, me, Earth the Milky Way, the universe, the multiverse . . . God? Hmmm, it is possible, you know.

In this painting I try to encapsulate the many elements we associate with the force of Love. From the dark and light aspects of it all – the great storm cloud behind her pouring forth the rainbow (passion) to the regeneration of life through fertily (rabbit ears) and seduction (subtle right hand position). From the great loyalty signified in the Borzoi to the idea of all things united as one force in the messenger from above (raven) tying it all together in the evolving shape of a heart.


Faith - St. Victor Diaries


It’s time to reclaim Faith. I’m tired of the prevailing assumption that faith is the copyright of religion, regarding their adherents as “the Faithful” and those of us who reject a formal, pre-scientific structure to our beliefs and experiences as “Ye of little Faith”. People have mistaken hope for faith. They are not similar.

Faith is not the wish of better things to come in the future. Hope is. Faith is not the “blind or unchallenged” acceptance of the irrational. Ignorance is.

Faith is the focused energy of manifestation in the here and now. It does not require an archetype to grant prayerful wishes in exchange for servitude. It does not require a church or organization to act on your behalf as mediator between you and the Divine Presence. Faith is self-activated and uniquely manifested for every individual.

Faith does not require us to neglect our intellect by challenging us to have the “faith of a child”. It is little wonder that theological dogma is supportive of this verse – just look at what a child will believe in: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy and the Boogey Man – the holy trinity of behavioral control mechanisms. One who sees us when we’re sleeping, knows if we’ve been bad or good and pays out accordingly. One who rewards our suffering and one who’s gonna “getcha!” if you don’t do as you’re told. It’s drilled into us very early on – and accepted without challenge. Ah, the faith of a child.

Contrarily, faith requires we understand the properties of the universe. It is the science of personal energy mated with the mechanics of consciousness.

In this painting, I try to show that Faith is a reverent, yet cosmological force. It is not owned or defined by any one person, religion, or culture. The rocky shoreline represents the challenges and hardships in life that either send people to their demise or give rise and break boundaries of understanding our true nature as symbolized by the water.

Faith is fed by this and her shoes are water colored pumps which feed the spirit of manifestation. The nest of eggs symbolizes the seeds of inspiration and desire that will be nurtured and manifested or hatched as they are carried to term in the belly of Faith.

Her black top is symbolic of dark energy which has absolutely nothing to do with good or evil, but is what 90% of the universe consists of – non-matter, which carries the most powerful energy in the cosmos.

The moon reflects the light of the sun and as we experience this shift in consciousness we begin slowly to understand that we are of that light, beginning with the sliver.

The birds fly in formation, however, the leader always rotates so that the flock can travel many miles without tiring. Spirituality works this way as well – to understand that there are many traditions with similar goals and to experience each of these traditions and realize that they too are on the same quest – we understand we will get there only by working together.

Once we learn that it is within our power to manifest and bring about positive change, it becomes and exponential process as wisdom builds upon experience – these are the seeds of evolution. Use them for the benefit of humanity, thus benefiting the planet, thus benefiting Divinity.


Order - St. Victor Diaries


Order . . . it sounds so simple, almost self-defining. It’s neat, without complexity, hierarchical, a system for success and balance. At least that’s what comes to mind on initial impression. However, upon deeper review, Order is much more complex than imagined because Order is not an isolated state unto itself – it is a part of a universal duality. It is alternately a stepping-stone and a resting spot from which to assess stages of evolution from the macro universe to the micro organism. It is part of a cosmic tango with its twin force – chaos.

On a human level, Order helps us to regroup and clarify where we are sociologically, emotionally and spiritually as a collective. This forms our clan, tribal and global morals and identities. Those in the position of comfort and favor fight to hold on to the new established order, while those still subjugated by it fight to further the journey toward balance – this is chaos.

The goal of Order is to work hand in hand with chaos to continually break itself down so that it can re-establish itself on a more evolved plane. This is similar with working out. The work out is difficult and painful, but with rest and recovery the results are manifest in a physical evolution. The sooner we understand the process, the greater our ability to target problem areas and bring on the pain in a planned and targeted program for positive change.

In the painting, Order is represented by the hierarchical state of Order in the Catholic schoolgirl uniform. This is accented with the fake halo and leg tattoo (my logo) to show that there is another side to Order, something different than what may be assumed. She is standing very close to the edge of a sheer drop showing that Order is always treading near the edge of falling, which is a function of chaos. The buildings around her represent tight structure associated with Order, but up out of the abyss of chaos rises something that on the surface may not look like much initially, but houses the seeds for future generations to grow from represented by the blossoming plant above, and the characatured family drawn into the cardboard house. Someday, I believe that will be each of us in a new Order, in a new body with the same but evolved consciousness of today.