The Watcher - St. Victor Diaries

The Watcher

We’ve all heard the quote, “God laughs when we make plans” and of course, “The only constant is change itself.” We get it – change is inevitable. It’s the very nature of nature. The constant flow of creation through the process of evolution. But there is the rub – we don’t get it. Not until it gets us. As an artist, I’ve been blessed – at least by the starving artist model. Living in Santa Barbara, California in a beautiful home and garden with land for the dogs only a stones throw from the ocean seemed like the crest of what I had been working for. But yet, it was not my mission and there was much to do. The universe has a way of forcing us to change our course or die in the process. The really unusual thing however, is that the universe seems to know best and it is only after suffering and forgiveness of the unseen forces that a new vision, brighter than before, emerges on our radar and becomes our new lesson to experience, embrace and echo.

Mold. That’s all it took – the subtle, near undetectable leak of a faucet valve hidden behind drywall. We lost our home, all our possessions and my partner, nearly her life.

Nothing will ever be the same and while we could lament the loss, it is our ability to adapt and evolve that will be our salvation. To let go of all the products of desire and evolve to a state of non-attachment has had a profound effect on me. Everything is a projection of the mind. Happiness, peace . . . comes from seeing through eyes that do not judge, or want, or resent – they just observe and experience. When we let go of who we are we become who we are meant to be. Some changes look negative on the surface but we eventually realize that space is being created in our life for something new to emerge. We are the universe, expressing itself as a human for a little while. It’s so hard to forget pain, but it’s even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace. Be the silent watcher of your thoughts and behavior. You are beneath the thinker. You are the stillness beneath the mental noise. You are the love and joy beneath the pain. Echkart Tolle says, “What a liberation to realize that the ‘voice in my head’ is not who I am. Who am I then? The one who sees that.”

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